Solace in the Ruins
by Micaiah
Summary: Tag to 11.12. Somewhere in Sioux Falls is a junkyard that holds a lot of memories for Sam and Dean. It was a place of comfort in better days and sometimes even in bad. Can Dean still find comfort there?


**After the latest episode, I got to thinking what it must be like for Sam and Dean to visit Sioux Falls now that Bobby's not there and that's how this little piece came about.**

* * *

"Dean, where are we going?" Sam pointed toward the turn off they had just passed. "Home is that way."

"Yeah, I know. I just thought…" Dean shrugged. "Since we're close…"

Sam sighed. They were going to Bobby's…..or at least what was left of Bobby's.

"Dean…."

"I just want to check on things while we're here."

The place belonged to them now but neither knew what to do with it. They didn't have the heart to sell it plus they had no idea what might be buried on the grounds. Dean had taken most of Bobby's tools back to the bunker but everything else had been left the way it was that last fateful night, the night Bobby's house burned. That night had been the beginning of the end for Bobby. Sam swallowed the lump that suddenly found its way to his throat. It was hard to go back there and it was even harder for Dean. He was usually moody for days after they would swing by to check on the place.

When the Singer Auto Salvage sign came in to view, Sam gave his brother a sideways glance. Dean's face was impassive but Sam knew his brother…..it broke his heart when Bobby died and coming back here always seemed to open the wound.

Dean pulled up next to the garage and shut off the Impala's engine. Weeds had taken over in a lot of areas. They probably needed to think about having the yard maintained, at least. Maybe Jody could recommend someone…..someone who wouldn't go poking their nose around in anything that looked like an unmarked grave.

"I'm just gonna have a quick look around."

Sam knew that was code for "I need to be alone" but he still asked: "You want me to come with?"

"Nah, I'll just be a minute."

"Okay, I'll be here if you need me."

Dean gave him a grateful smile before heading off into the junkyard.

* * *

Dean strolled the perimeter of the junkyard, checking for holes in the fence or anything else out of place. Bobby's car was still sitting where it had been the last time they were there and it pained Dean to see the car falling into ruin. It had never been much to look at but now it had been taken over by rust and all manner of vegetation was growing in and around it, serving as a reminder of how long the old man had been gone.

Dean headed toward a remote area of the junkyard, one that had seen its fair share of funeral pyres and other questionable activities. Another vehicle he knew well had fallen into ruin there…one that in its better days had been a bit intimidating, same as the man who had driven it. Bobby had towed his Dad's truck to the junkyard while Dean had been unconscious in the hospital, right after he'd towed the Impala…right before his Dad died.

Dean cleared away the vines and opened the door of his Dad's GMC, wincing as the hinges squeaked loudly. He climbed into the cab of the truck, shoving over an abandoned nest that looked as though it once belonged to a family of mice. He settled into the driver's seat, a few springs poking into his back, and ran his hand over the steering wheel. The view through the windshield was obscured by a cloak of greenery. He was alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that never seemed to stray too far from the one thing he wished he could forget…..Amara.

"I wish you were here, Dad. You…..Bobby…someone to help me with this." Dean sighed heavily. "I want to tell Sam but I can't worry him with this, you know? You always told me to protect him and I've tried so hard to do that but sometimes…sometimes I wish I didn't have to."

Dean leaned back against the rotting upholstery, covering his face with his hands. It's not that he didn't want to protect his brother. He'd die for him in a heartbeat. He just wished he didn't have to keep so many things to himself. Sometimes he needed to talk and he really needed to talk about this…although the thought of doing so terrified him. Talking about it made it real. Talking about it meant he could no longer deny it. Talking about it meant he really was connected to Amara and he didn't want that. God, how he didn't want that…..but at the same time a little voice somewhere inside him reminded him it's exactly what he wanted.

"Stop it!" Dean pounded the steering wheel, startling a couple of birds who had come to rest on the hood of the truck. They squawked and took to the air. Dean leaned his forehead against the wheel and whispered, "Please, just stop it."

* * *

Sam thought he was going to have to go searching for his brother when he saw Dean threading his way back through the junked cars, heading toward the Impala. His shoulders were slumped, as though he were carrying the weight of the world there. He'd been carrying that weight for as long as Sam could remember. Sam wished Dean would let him help bear the load…..whatever it was. Dean thought he was good at hiding things but Sam knew when something was on his brother's mind. He'd been around Dean too long to not know when something was going on with him.

"Hey," said Sam when Dean opened the door. "Everything okay?"

"Yep, everything's fine."

"What about you?" asked Sam as Dean reached for the key in the ignition. "Are you okay?"

Dean paused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sam shrugged. "No reason. I'm just asking, Dean. You're not the only person here who worries about his brother."

Dean gave a weak grin. "I'm fine, Sammy."

Sam nodded. "Sure, okay."

 _Why can't you just talk to me, Dean?_

Dean gazed out at the junkyard, his hand resting on the key, as if he were thinking things over, weighing his options. "Sammy, I do have something I need to talk about."

"I'm listening."

Dean shook his head. "But I can't."

Sam gave an exasperated sigh. "Dean, I'm your brother. You can talk to me about anything."

"No, I can't, Sam. There are some things I'm always going to feel I need to protect you from. I want to tell you but…"

"Dean, I'm not five years old in case you hadn't noticed." Sam reined in the angry words on the tip of his tongue. Sam knew Dean would always try to protect him…..it was in his blood, it was who he was…..but it still made Sam angry when Dean felt he couldn't share things with him. And there was no use lying to himself…..it also hurt because he always wondered if Dean would share these things with others…would he have shared it with Bobby? Had he already shared it with Cas? More than anything Sam would always want his brother's trust and when Dean wouldn't talk to him, he felt as though he didn't have it.

"Sammy, I know you're not five, okay? It's just…..you're always going to be my little brother…..even if you are as big as a moose." Dean gave him a nudge and Sam managed a grin. "I'm just not ready yet, okay?" Dean cranked the car and glanced at him. "Talking was never my strong point, you know?"

Sam nodded. He knew. Dean had never been one to share his feelings, especially not with him. He always had to be the big brother….he wasn't allowed to do anything that might be construed as weakness.

"I just want you to know, I'm here, Dean…whatever you need from me, whenever you're ready."

"Thanks, Sammy." Dean put the car into drive, headed back toward the highway and reached for the radio dial, cranking the volume.

 _Darkness, darkness, be my pillow_

 _Take my hand and let me sleep_

 _In the coolness of your shadow_

 _In the silence of your deep_

 _Darkness, darkness, hide my yearning_

 _For the things I cannot see_

 _Keep my mind from constant turning_

 _To the things I cannot be_

 _Darkness, darkness, be my blanket_

 _Cover me with the endless night_

 _Take away the pain of knowing_

 _Fill this emptiness with light_

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 **Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome!**

 **Lyrics are _Darkness, Darkness_ by Robert Plant.**


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